As a government agency, you wouldn’t think that the TSA has much of a sense of humor. That idea was shot to blazes when the agency began its TSABlog in 2008. Originally written by Curtis Robert Burns, widely known as “Blogger Bob,” it was a mishmosh place for flyers to ask questions (i.e. can I bring a pizza onto the plane?) and for the TSA to throw out fun facts (i.e. how many weapons were discovered in carry-on bags during a specific week). Blogger Bob had a penchant for wry humor, puns and a bunch of “dad jokes” galore and the TSABlog became so popular that he also became responsible for the TSA’s Instagram and Twitter feeds.
Tragically, 48-year-old Blogger Bob passed away unexpectedly in 2018. Although his replacements have tried, they’ve not quite been able to fill his shoes (although their Instagram feed comes close).
That being said, if you go through the TSA’s list of things you can bring in your carry-on bag, you’ll find, not only some REALLY bizarre items, but some snippets of humor, as well. Take a look:
Antlers
Antlers are fine but they recommend you check with your airline to ensure they’ll fit in the overhead bin or underneath the seat in front of you (read: Moose antlers: no. Jackapole antlers: OK)
Artificial Skeleton Bones
You can bring artificial skeleton bone in your carry-on bag. The TSA says nothing about REAL bones. Or cadavers. But (sort of) along the same line, you can also bring cremated remains with you. However, they do say that although THEY will let the remains through in your carry-on bag (Note: make sure they’re in a container that’s lightweight such as wood or plastic, so TSA officers can determine what’s inside, because they won’t open the container to check), they suggest you check with your airline because some don’t allow cremated remains on their flights.
Body Armor
“Generally, body armor is allowed in carry-on or checked bags. Please note however that even if an item is generally allowed, our officers make the final decision on whether an item is allowed through the checkpoint.” Geesh, what would have to be going on with the body armor that the officer would say no?
Bread Machines
If you want to bring your bread machine in your carry-on, you’re good to go. Just check with your airline to ensure it’ll fit in the overhead or under the seat in front of you. Sewing machines are OK too, albeit with the same caveat. You can bring a blender too, but the blade has to be removed (so much for making margaritas en route…)
I just wonder how or why they decided to include bread and sewing machines on the list. I guess someone must’ve asked?
Bowling Balls
“Sports equipment that can be used as a bludgeon (such as bats and clubs) is prohibited in the cabin of the plane and must be transported in your checked bags.” But I guess 16-pound balls that you can hurl at people are OK.
Fresh Eggs
Good to go. Remember that you may need to remove them from your carry-on for this kind of further inspection. Oh, and good luck on keeping them as “fresh eggs” as opposed to, you know, scrambled eggs.
Harry Potter Wands
This one amuses me because “wands” are not listed. Only specifically Harry Potter wands. So if you have your own wand, you’re out of luck, I guess. I’m assuming this was added when Harry Potter land was added to Universal Studios.
Light Sabers
Whether you’re from the Resistance or the Dark Side, you’ll be happy to know that you can indeed travel with your light saber.
“Sadly, the technology doesn’t currently exist to create a real lightsaber. However, you can pack a toy lightsaber in your carry-on or checked bag. May the force be with you.”
Live Fish
“Live fish in water and a clear transparent container are allowed after inspection by the TSA officer.” I’m assuming you can use more than 3 ounces of water. BTW, live lobsters are OK too.
Magic 8 Ball
Because of the water in them, you can’t bring Magic 8 Balls onto a plane in your carry on bag. But I’m including it here because their narrative is cute:
For Carry-on bags: We asked the Magic 8 Ball and it told us…Outlook not so good!
For Checked bags: We asked the Magic 8 Ball and it told us…It is certain!
Parachutes
The rules for bringing a parachute with you in your carry on are very specific: “Parachutes should always be packed separately from other baggage. If a TSA officer determines that a bag must be opened to inspect the parachute, you must be present to assist in the inspection. If you are not within the screening area, you will be paged using the airport intercom system; if you are not present to assist with screening the parachute, the parachute will not be allowed on the plane. For this reason, passengers with parachutes are encouraged to add 30 minutes to the airlines’ recommended arrival window. TSA is not responsible for repacking parachutes. All parachutes should be thoroughly inspected at their end destination to make sure that the equipment is still safe to use.”
Shock Collars
Who woulda thunk?
Tattoo Guns
Yep, no problem there – you can bring your tattoo gun in your carry on. They do mention that, “Devices containing lithium metal or lithium ion batteries should be carried in carry-on baggage. Most other consumer devices containing batteries are allowed in carry-on and checked baggage.” And I suppose the ink would need to be in your 3-1-1 container if it’s under 3 ounces, or otherwise go in your checked bag.
And before you ask, yes, it’s happened.
Enjoy your day, travel friends!
Feature Photo: TSA.gov
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2 comments
Handcuffs and knitting needles too. And water bottles in frozen/solid form.
Now you’ve put an image of Walter from The Big Lebowski hurling his bowling ball – except on a plane – into my head.