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If Airlines Were Boyfriends

by SharonKurheg

The internet can be a great way to find funny stuff. Take airlines, for example. They’re not all created equally and we all know it. Some cost more, some cost less. Some give a certain level of service, some most certainly…don’t. So plenty of people have made some pretty funny memes about them – especially comparisons about them – over the years. Like these:

and…

or even…

There was also a whole series of “If Airlines Delivered Your Packages” videos on TikTok not that long ago:

Part 1: Delta, Southwest, Hawaiian Airlines, Spirit:

@cool.dad.72

Gotta love the airlines. #dadsoftiktok #airlines #packagedelivery

♬ 90s mashup – Joebot the Robot 🤖

Part 2: JetBlue, Ryanair, Frontier, Malaysia Airlines (OUCH!), United:

@cool.dad.72

American Airlines is still delayed. #airlines #packagedelivery #dadsoftiktok

♬ 90s mashup – Joebot the Robot 🤖

Part 3: Alaska Airlines, Allegiant Air, Emirates, Pan Am, easyJet, American Airlines (3am):

@cool.dad.72

American finally arrived from DFW! #packagedelivery #airlines #dadsoftiktok

♬ 90s mashup – Joebot the Robot 🤖

Part 4: British Airways, Qantas, Cathay Pacific, Thomas Cook Airlines, Air Canada, Wizz Air”

@cool.dad.72

International Edition! #packagedelivery #airlines #dadsoftiktok

♬ 90s mashup – Joebot the Robot 🤖

Part 5: Alitalia, Virgin Atlantic, Singapore Airlines, Aeroflot, Jet2, Lufthansa

@cool.dad.72

More international airlines! #packagedelivery #airlines #dadsoftiktok

♬ 90s mashup – Joebot the Robot 🤖

Part 6: Air France, Sun Country, KLM, Finn Air, Qatar Airlines, Turkish Airlines, Avianca

@cool.dad.72

Answering your requests! #airlines #packagedelivery #dadsoftiktok

♬ 90s mashup – Joebot the Robot 🤖

So of course, when I was going down an internet rabbit hole and found something about “If Airlines Were Boyfriends,” of course I had to read it.

If Airlines Were Boyfriends….

DELTA: Is the put together boyfriend. He went to Morehouse College and is a Harvard MBA. Has a good job. Good credit. Dresses nice. Owns his own home. All of his friends are equally put together. You can take him home to Mama and not be embarrassed. You like him because he’s the boyfriend you THINK you deserve. The only problem is he doesn’t realize that not everyone has it like him. In fact, he expects the same excellence out of you, and sometimes you don’t feel like it. He hates that you like to wear yoga pants in public. Sometimes you think he might be embarrassed of you. You want to build a future with him but you’re not sure you can keep up appearances.

AMERICAN: He’s the boyfriend you forgot you dated. It wasn’t bad. Wasn’t a great either. He’s a nice guy though. Sometimes you call him to see how he’s doing but you never think to be committed to him. He’s reliable and there when you need him …for the most part. The truth of why you REALLY don’t want him is because his man-man is the size of a baby’s outie belly button.

UNITED: He only treated you right that one time and never really again. He steals your stuff and tells you YOU lost it. He’s always late or never shows up at all. He roughs you up a bit, but then tells people you’re the crazy one for wanting better. You know you should leave but you’ve been with him so long; you don’t want to forfeit all of that hard work.

SOUTHWEST: You got with him when folks loved to dismiss him. You saw his potential. But now, he’s come into his own and makes you pay for it. It’s like he forgot all the early times when neither of you had much but you were there for each other. Sure, he’s not bad now, but you wish it was the way it was before. He’s starting to act like a little bit like Delta, but with a better personality. Even though things have changed he still deals with your baggage when no one else will.

SPIRIT: He’s 45 and still selling mixtapes. He wears a bluetooth around his neck at all times. He knows that the only reason you’re with him right now is because you’re not in a good place at the moment….and Delta isn’t returning your calls. His stuff is always broke down and he makes you pay for everything. You want to leave him but he is kinda smart, although things just never work out for him, career wise. His messages makes you laugh. And honestly, both of you know you can’t do better right now.

FRONTIER: A do-right man. He’s not the best, but he tries. He’s slightly different from Spirit but not by much. He carries himself a little better, and that makes all the difference. He’s still broke but he doesn’t make you feel THAT cheap. Even though he doesn’t require much he does realize he’s not Spirit and he doesn’t let you forget it.

JETBLUE: You’ll never REALLY date jetBlue. Why? Because he’s regular/schmegular. He always wants to go Dutch….and he always takes the smallest amount. He’ll pay for your Uber one way…but the other way….well…you’re on your own. You understand on a basic level that if you can date Spirit and Frontier you can give jetBlue a shot. But honestly, you’re just tired of the give a little get less relationship. At least Spirit has the gift of gab. But he’s really not offering anything you couldn’t get somewhere else. You give him a shot and its just meh….unremarkable. He’s only worth talking to a couple of times a year, but even then your schedules never seem to align.

ALASKA: Alaska Airlines is your Northwest Hipster….wears old flannel but knows his way around a computer and all the techie stuff. Knows how to save money and has good credit, but he’s slow to spend it. He has money but doesn’t show or brag about it. He’s tough and gets you through all kinds of weather but, quietly cries watching sad movies and when he got his first puppy. He loves your mom, and fishes with your dad and brother…he takes your grandmother flowers…he loves you in sweats or dressed up…he is gonna be the one you wanna marry and have kids with…

SKYWEST: Skywest is the slightly-shorter-than you boyfriend, who you dated in high school, who never left town. He still wears baggy cargo shorts and dumb t-shirts from Spencer’s but somehow hooks up with all the popular girls who were mean to you in high school. Maybe it’s because he’s in and out of every social circle and seems to get invites to the best parties, or maybe it’s because underneath the bad goatee and baseball cap he is a schemer, pitting girls against each other so that they all end up fighting over HIM. Whatever the reason is, he is always the life of the party. Also: his 1992 Pontiac Grand Am is always breaking down but United and Delta never mind giving him a ride. The only person who doesn’t like him is Alaska’s sugar baby, Horizon.
And the boyfriends from other countries…

VIRGIN: He’s the boyfriend you talk about all of the time… but none of your friends (or very few) have ever been around him. But, the friends/family who have been around him like him for the most part although he can be a bit extra sometimes.

EMIRATES: Emirates wouldn’t even be your boyfriend for real. He only fools with you when he has time, which always seems to be like twice a year. And sometimes he’d make you bring a friend.

ETIHAD: is Emirates’ best friend. Sometimes you guys mess around when Emirates is acting too good for you. You like him because he makes you feel like Emirates does but it’s not quite the same. He knows this, but doesn’t care at the moment. He wants you because Emirates wants you…sometimes…occasionally… almost never. You both realize that its only a matter of time before he starts acting completely brand new.

KLM: He looks nice and well put-together on the outside, but once you get inside his house you realize he belongs on an episode of Queer Eye.
WOW AIRLINES (R.I.P.): Everyone thinks he’s gay, and he might be, but he loves the attention and knows he’s attractive. He’s way too particular about literally everything, which is especially annoying because you have more than 12 kg of emotional baggage you wish he’d handle. Has no idea how to cook.

RYANAIR: He was a Tinder match. Took you to McD’s for your first date and made you pay for your 5 pc McNuggets and medium Coke.

Note: similar to the memes at the top of this point, I would love to credit where credit is due.

For “If Airlines Were Boyfriends,” I did find one credit, from 2007, to a Dionne Mahaffey. I’ve only found one person with that name (thank goodness her name wasn’t Ann Jones or Kim Smith!), Dr. Dionne Mahaffey, who is a is an Atlanta-based business psychologist, author, technologist, entrepreneur, talk show host, professor and an organizational strategies coach. However, the version credited to her is shorter than other versions I found. So I suspect it’s a conglomerate that others added to, over the years.

Still funny though. And spot-on, too! 😉

Feature Image: Pixnio

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This post first appeared on Your Mileage May Vary

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