So a new app came out not all that long ago. It’s called Sexy Lingo and, based on the name alone, it shouldn’t be surprising that it’s powered by, you guessed it, YouPorn. Yes, THAT YouPorn.
The goal of the app, which is free, is to learn how to talk, flirt and, *cough,* go beyond that, in your choice of 4 languages, with four progressive themes of interactive lessons.
I guess this way if you’re from an English-speaking country and you’re in France or Brazil or Mexico, you can have a conversation with that hot person across the room and go beyond “Le stylo est bleu” (the pen is blue), “O menino é feliz” (the boy is happy) or “Me gusta el queso” (I like cheese).
Anyway, in the name of research, after making sure my VPN was turned on and working, I set up an ID on the site. Here’s what it was like – and no worries…I promise I will keep it all squeaky clean ;-).
Setting up the account was easy – they didn’t even make me confirm my email address. But you do indeed need to have to have an account (username/email) to participate in the lessons.
Anyway, once you’re signed in, you have to tell them what language you want to learn (I chose Spanish – I took it in school from 5th to 12th grade, but that was a long, LONG time ago), and what language you want to have your lesson in (I chose English).
You then have your choice of 4 themes of conversation:
- The Basics
- Starting a Conversation
- Intimate (Closing The deal)
Each theme has 3 levels of lessons and, like other online language courses, you can’t get to the next level until you pass the lesson you’re in. There are anywhere from 3 to 15(ish) questions per lesson that vary from multiple choice (with pictures!) to fill in the blank. Some of the things you learn for each theme:
Lesson 1: Nouns & pronouns, like man, woman, husband, wife, single
Lesson 2: More nouns and pronouns, with a review of lesson 1, plus sentences like, “Are you in a relationship?”
Lesson 3: Designations, such as “She is/you are/I am a man/woman”
Starting A Conversation:
Lesson 1: Greetings and questions, like “Hello, how are you?,” “Have you been to this bar before?,” and “I had so much fun.”
Lesson 2: Places and time: Bar, coffee shop, “What do you do for work?,” “Where are you going tonight?”
Lesson 3: Adjectives & Activities: “Who are you here with?,” “Will you watch my things for me?”
Lesson 1: Adjectives & Compliments: “You are so funny,” “Your muscles make you look so strong,” “You make me nervous.”
Lesson 2: Making plans: “What are you doing today?” “Are you on Facebook? Can I add you?,” “Can I follow you on Instagram?”
Lesson 3: The Next Step: “Do you want to have another drink?,” “Can we go somewhere to talk?,” “Do you want to come home with me?”
Lesson 1: Sexy words
Lesson 2: Establishing consent
Lesson 3: Bedroom talk
I’m not going to go into the translations of this section, as they are VERY adult words and sentences that go into establishing consent, what team you play on, protection, body parts, positions, and yep, happy endings. Bow chicka bow bow!
How was it, Sharon? Was it good for you?
Honestly? Sexy Lingo was OK. The app doesn’t really teach you enough to have true conversations, as much as spew sentences (it’s like I always say, I can ask where the toilet is, but that doesn’t mean much if I can’t understand their reply). Although I did learn a bunch of words in the “Intimate” section that, not surprisingly, I didn’t learn in school in 5th through 12th grade ;-). It was an interesting way to spend some time (especially that last section), but I don’t think it’s really as functional as they would make you think.
It gets people to login to a part of YouPorn though (even though it’s an area where you don’t see any porn)…so I guess, for them, there’s that. 😉 For us? No veo que esta relación vaya a ninguna parte.*
* (“I don’t see this relationship going anywhere.” Which, BTW, is not included on the app.)
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This post first appeared on Your Mileage May Vary