Please Don’t Break The Ten Unwritten Rules of Flying!

Unless you’re in business or first class, flying is not a super duper lot of fun. And why should it be? I mean, you’re part of a coupla hundred people in ever-shrinking close quarters inside a tin can for what can be several hours. Unless it’s your very first plane ride, I don’t think flying in this day and age can ever be made into a truly “good time,” but here are some ways to help make things better for everyone. Consider them to be the unwritten rules of flying. Please don’t break them!

  1. The middle person gets possession of the arm rests.
    Screenshot 2018-08-12 at 8.04.30 PM
    No one wants a middle seat. And why should they? It’s not as if there are any sorts of redeeming factors to those seats. You don’t have good access to the window or a place to rest your head. And you don’t have more legroom or or easy access to the aisle. Middle seats are so universally hated that you don’t even get charged for them if you’re in Basic Economy class. About the only redeeming factor middle seats have are the arm rests. So let the unfortunate person in the middle seat have them.
  2. If you do have the window seat, don’t hog up the window.

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    The person in the middle seat doesn’t have much going for him, but he may be able to see some of what’s outside if your head isn’t in the way. Maybe (s)he would like to see the Epcot ball, too.

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  3. The crew should be friendly, and hopefully have a sense of humor

    Have you ever noticed that some flight attendants are simply pills? Oh sure, they’re professional. But they never crack a smile (or if they do, it’s a fake, tight lipped smile that never reaches their eyes) and act like they’re bored to tears and calling it all in. On the other hand, some flight attendants are awesome – they’re genuinely friendly and make you feel welcome. Some of them even make it their business to make something as mundane as a safety announcement a whole lot of fun.

  4. And speaking of flight attendants, even if they’re one of the boring ones, and even if you’ve heard it a bajillion times before, pay attention when they do the safety spiel!

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    It only takes 3 minutes and there’s nothing wrong with a refresher of how to use the flotation device in the unlikely event of a water landing. But paying attention also shows respect to the crew, who have put in hours upon hours to learn how to keep you safe while flying. So pay attention !

  5. maskIf you’re sick or feel a cold coming on, wear a mask.

    Sure, it looks kinda funny while you’re on the flight but the air on the plane is recycled over and over and really, no one wants your cooties. It’s not like anyone besides the members of your party will ever see you again (and If they do, they won’t recognize you anyway…you’ll be wearing a mask!). Be polite and keep your germs to yourself. If they can do it as a matter of course in Japan, we can do it here on a plane for a few hours.
  6. If you use the restroom while on board, remember the old adage:

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    You’re sharing those facilities with a bunch of other people and no one wants to deal with your droplets of bodily fluid. So whether you’re a woman who’s hovering and you miss, or a man whose aim isn’t as good as you thought, please clean up after yourself – seat AND floor – as needed. Oh, and can I give a THANK YOU to whoever invented the concept of having to put the seat down in order to flush? GENIUS! (It must’ve been a woman LOLOL)

    Oh! And that goes for wiping the sink and counter after you’ve washed your hands, too, y’all. You did wash your hands, right?

  7. Don’t manspread.

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    You know that invisible line between you and the person sitting next to you? Respect it. And if the person in the seat next to you is manspreading, here’s how to make him stop.

  8. If you bring your own food on board, make sure it’s not stinky.

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    BBQ, curry, any sort of fish, smelly cheese, anything with garlic and/or onions etc. – a plane is definitely not the place to eat that kind of stuff. The scent will linger long after you’re done eating and no one else wants to smell that for hours on end.

  9. If you are an annoying or irritable kind of person, kindly medicate yourself prior to departure so you’ll sleep during the flight (I’M KIDDING!)

    OldManYells
    OK, OK, if you’d rather be awake during the flight, just be aware of yourself in relation to others. Your seat on the plane is not a place to cut your fingernails, take your shoes off, complain about whoever or whatever is bothering you, rest your feet on the armrest in front of you, tell the person next to you about your cousin’s boil that had to be lanced, pick your nose or let your little angel’s extra energy out.

  10. And finally, about the puzzles in the in-flight magazines…

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    If you MUST do the puzzles in the magazine that’s in the pocket in front of you, do them lightly in pencil and erase them when you’re done. You’re not the only one who might want to do them. Of course, if it’s the last day of the month and the magazine is about to be replaced anyway, or if you’re going to take the magazine with you, knock your socks off. 😉

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This article was originally posted in Your Mileage May Vary.

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